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Walker's Bribery Rag

folk, humor, satire, singer songwriter

Ken Lonnquist

Walker's Bribery Rag

A clever, Wisco-centric parody of Tom Lehrer's "Vatican Rag."

A funny, enjoyable songwriter from Wisconsin, Ken's performed professionally since his college days.​
In 1982 he won a national audition to become Minstrel for the Environment, writing and performing about nature, environmental and related issues in schools and colleges. On the college circuit he honed ​his skills at improvisation and topical humor (as heard on NPR, Air America, the CBC, Pacifica Radio). A series of recordings for adults and children followed, with recognition from Audubon, Parents Choice, American Library Association, Booklist, Childrens Music Web, Parents Guide To Childrens Media and others solidifying his reputation as a children's entertainer. Ken's love for musical theater found an outlet as composer for Children's Theater of Madison, where 15 productions of his full-scale musicals were presented. He travels with smaller shows with his musical troupe, and his charm and energy as a live performer remain the heart of his work.

Walker's Bribery Rag—Ken Lonnquist

Music by Tom Lehrer, lyrics by Ken Lonnquist

Ken Lonnquist, guitar, vocals
Doug Brown, banjo
Dave Adler, piano.

(To the tune of Tom Lehrer’s “The Vatican Rag”)

Walker gets down on his knees
Big Oil dangles bribes, and he’s
Rolling over! Wags his tail and
Salivates! Salivates! Salivates!
Does the corporation’s bidding
Governor Scottie - see him sitting
Like a little lap dog
Playin’ in the Big Hogs’
Corporate Bribery Game

Enbridge wants to build a pipeline
And Scottie’s just the kind they had in mind
He’ll accept their dirty money
And offer them a real honey, a
Deal to squeal and celebrate for
(From the governor money paid for!)
Two, four, six, eight
Time that we investigate!

We remember Scottie’s signs
On Wisconsin’s borderlines
“Open For A Business Spree!”
And bribery! Bribery! Bribery!”
Scottie likes accommodating
Changing laws they find frustrating
Fightin’ Bob LaFollette -
You know what he'd call it:
The Corporate Bribery Game

Tar sands oil destroys the Boreal
Forests that are the corporeal
Lungs that breathe for North America
That alone should really scare ya
If it doesn’t - pay attention!
Scottie needs a long detention
Two, four, six, eight
Years or more - incarcerate!

Sleazy, oily entity
The worst record in history
If profits fall and pipelines break
They'll abdicate! Abdicate! Abdicate!
All responsibility
Cleanup will be on you and me
Scottie knows they’ll offer
Treats to fill his coffer
Doing the Corporate
Who’ll give him more for it?
Corporate Bribery Game
Corporate Bribery Game

Ken Lonnquist